Bradford Degeneration Correct but not Politically Correct

British manufacturers and supermarkets are warning of the coming pie shortage. Following the Italian government's decision to ban super-thin models from the catwalk during the Milan fashion week they have been inundated with a splurge of orders for traditional English stodge. Reports from France suggest that the top agencies have recruited prize winning fois gras farmers to advise on force feeding techniques, one agency is allegedly using liquidized Melton mowbray pork pies to fatten their star performers.

It's not all bad news though - Harry Ramsden's has been renamed Kate Moss's Grease Bucket and is enjoying record sales, customers should however be warned that the white substance in little twists of paper is not salt!

Many models are reported to be considering giving up essentials such as heroin and cocaine because they contribute to the lack of appetite that has caused this crisis, some have even resorted to snorting lard and mainlining cooking oil in a desperate scramble for weight gain.

There are also rumours that at least one London agency is looking to the Sumo stables of Tokyo for a solution to the crisis and we have an exclusive snap of two young under-weight models in training: